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How to Bully Proof Your StepFamily
January 6, 2012
Hosted by Eleanor Alden, LCSW, BCD
[Download MP3] [itunes] [Bookmark Episode]
Tania Henderson, LPC will join Eleanor Alden today to talk about the work she has done with school age children around and school systems around the issues of bullying. There is never an age when one can't feel bullied by others in a stepfamily or any family. Humans seem to have an innate need to win, sometimes at all costs, and in divorce and stepfamily formation that drive can lead to people feeling bullied by the legal system, the former spouse, stepchildren, and society for all its good intentions. Tania Henderson's work has no age limit. Moving from power plays and games to cooperation and understanding communication may take time and effort in some cases, and may be simple and effective quickly in others. But whether complicated and challenging or easier, it is worth reducing the bullying factor to as low as it can go in any family situation.
StepWisdom
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Half of the children in the United States today will have at least one stepparent before they are fifteen. So it is likely that everyone in the western world will either be a stepparent, a stepchild, or be in a family with such relationships. We all know them, live with them, work with them, and the vast majority of them are happy, relational, successful people. History tells us that stepfamilies have been with us always, and that most children throughout history have been raised with stepparents.
This show combines a look at what works well and what doesn’t in the complicated, complex, challenging, and often rewarding world of step-relationships. History and present day research on families often seem to point to the same wisdom showing patterns of family interaction that makes some successful and some disastrous.
Eleanor Alden, LCSW, BCD
Eleanor Spackman Alden, LCSW, BCD is a psychotherapist in private practice who has worked with StepFamilies for over 40 years. She taught psychology at the graduate level at Naropa University for over a decade, teaching classes in family therapy, marriage counseling and Jungian therapy. Prior to that she taught behavioral science to physicians in a Family Medicine Residency program. During this time she became increasingly concerned at the negative perspective that so many people have. The media and professional communities have often emphasized stepfamilies as second best or even worse: a sign of a declining culture. This viewpoint did not fit Eleanor’s knowledge of cultures in history, nor her experience as a therapist, teacher, or friend to so many who came from stepfamilies and are developing them now. StepWisdom grew out of the frustration with the present day mis-informed attitudes and prejudices about stepfamilies, and from growing up as a stepchild herself. As so many become parts of wonderful dynamic and healthy stepfamilies the need to change the cultural attitude is becoming clearer to an increasing number of professionals working with families and the media in general.
The mis-informed shaming and guilt producing attitudes of much of society have made it more difficult than it needs to be to have a successful stepfamily. The attitude and prejudices need to be examined in the light of research and history, and modified for everyone’s benefit.
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